i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
