Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
