i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
