The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
