Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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