can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
