tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
