Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
