Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
