you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
