I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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