but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
