apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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