I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
