The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize