I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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