this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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