I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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