Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
