I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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