i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
