just tell him i said nine months
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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