i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
