Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
