I wish i was in the wii world.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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