I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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