and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it penis luge time yet?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize