i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
