I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
do nipples grow back?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
