I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
