please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
