idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Randomize
