1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
