i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
