I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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