I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
