Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
