Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
