I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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