If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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