# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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