I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
