I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
