The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you didnt know i had herpes?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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