TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
