Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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