Ambien. No doubt about it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
