Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
