New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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