You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
