i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
