She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
