Buhtt sex?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
