i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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