and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
