how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
