Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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