For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
