I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
