I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
